Do you get into a "right fight"?

Do you get into “right fights”? You know you’re in one when you’re arguing with somebody in order to be right or because you want to win. In these arguments we are rarely trying to connect. Being right is the name of the game. Why do we do this? For many, it is an attempt to meet needs for safety, acceptance and understanding. What we usually receive, though, is discontentment, discord, and hopelessness.

What would happen if we wanted to connect more than we wanted to be right or to win arguments? This theme is actually my personal mantra. In charged conversations, it can be easy to forget our goal to connect because we are so experienced in right fights. Consider trying to center yourself in these moments by asking yourself, “What do I want? What needs do I hope to meet from winning or being right?” No matter what the situation is, try this answer: “To connect!” And ask, “Am I likely to be successful if I say what is on the tip of my tongue?” Invariably, the answer is no.

By simply grounding yourself with these questions and considering other strategies you could use to meet your needs, you will be more able to empathize with the other, and to express your feelings compassionately. As a result, you will enjoy deeper, more meaningful relationships, while reducing the frequency of judgments you have of yourself and others.

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This is such a beautiful reflection and yet very hard to practice. What I do when I'm in 'right fight ' is that I find it difficult to accept the other person's view (well of course because views will be different), i try mostly to hear the other person, and keep quiet. It doesn't help to connect much.

Infact, 'practice practice and practice' seems to be the way to go.